It’s funny, isn’t it, how we teach our children about stranger danger but want our dogs to be friendly to everyone? Perhaps it’s because we know that dogs can be scary in a way children, by and large, aren’t. (I’m excluding teenagers, who are scary.)
Problems with dogs that bark, lunge or even bite are among the most common issues I’m asked to help with. For some owners, it becomes so stressful that they dread having visitors over or even taking their dog out for a walk.
Why do dogs bark and lunge at strangers?
In most cases, though, these reactive dogs aren't trying to be aggressive – they’re acting out of fear. They're more frightened than frightening, choosing fight instead of flight.
And, in a way, it works. The stranger backs off, and the dog feels validated. In their mind: "That worked. I'll do it again." The reality that the delivery driver was simply rushing to the next house is completely lost. Instead, the dog believes their barking solved the problem. This misunderstanding quickly becomes a self-reinforcing behaviour cycle.
Why your dog's behaviour can spiral so quickly
When a dog's spinning out of control, literally or psychologically, it’s hard not to be sucked into the same excitement-driven vortex. If we mirror their behaviour, shouting or yanking the lead, they will simply get more excited, fuelling the fire.
One lady I recently worked with screamed, “It’s okay! It’s okay!” whenever her nervous Jack Russell went bananas at passers-by. The words might have been reassuring if she’d said them once, slowly, but the rapid-fire sound she was making achieved the opposite.
What to Read Next
Try to see things from your dog’s point of view. If they didn’t think strangers were a problem before, they certainly do when the humans panic. The dog has a point.
While fuelling the fire is unhelpful, sitting by and watching it burn isn’t the answer either. Lunging or barking at innocent bystanders should never be ignored.
It’s okay to say "no" to dogs, but it's how you do it that matters. Your voice and facial expression need to convey a sense of: "Wrong. Don't do that." Short and consistent words are best, but it’s the tone that’s most important. Make it firm, never aggressive, threatening or panicky.
Positioning matters too. If your dog leads from the front while you’re a disembodied voice behind them, it probably won't work. Seeing is believing, so do your best to get in front of them.
How to encourage calm, confident behaviour in your dog
The next bit is crucial. No matter how frustrating or how much of an embarrassment your dog has been, when they back down, they're making a good decision. And if we don’t tell them that, how will they know?
But be careful. If you go all hallelujah on the job, your excitement will rev them back up again. Instead, acknowledge their choice calmly and happily. And smile. After all, most strangers aren't a danger at all.
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